You're My Shelia

you're my Sheila

I want another girl I never feel her

and when the dogs are sniffing round

I send them all off to the pound

I'll keep you tethered to the ground

dope or tequila

you're my Betty

I love you, I was young, I loved my teddy

sometimes it even feels infirm

I'm like a hungry dried-out worm

up nights and Sundays at the firm

I wasn't ready

you're my Debby

I'll keep you even when you get too heavy

so if I'm lazy and I'm bald

when Mother Nature hasn't called 

when heat has lost the power to scald 

will you forget me?

I overlook the hairy chin 

the somewhat loopy gappy grin

falling asleep while I just talk

flouride, it's like my teeth on chalk

the chest that searches Davy's Locker

booty lost from knickerbockers

sin deserts the dull synapses

please forgive me all my lapses

you're my Linda

and even when I hate you I'll befriend you

we're like two peas inside a pod

I thank a nonexistent God

you spoiled the child and spared the rod

a goal tender

M@ 2010